It's time for the soul-bearing blog. Woo. Not that I feel you need to know this, but maybe I'll look back and laugh...or say, yeah, I was right.

So for the past month or so, a friend of mine has been trying to set me up with her boyfriend's best friend. Well, "set up" isn't quite the right term....more like relaxed, low-key double dating. I've had a lot of fun (e.g. see the entry about going dancing). Anyway, he's a great guy, and I like him well enough, but I have a lot of baggage (and who doesn't?). I fell in love with my last boyfriend (and I'd never done that before); then he left. Men leave...that's what they do, no matter how sincerely they tell you they won't. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not looking for pity. Lord knows I know there are millions of people with far worse problems than me...this is also why I said you don't really need to know this. I just like to get my thoughts out in the market of ideas.

Anyways, here I am with my buckets full of doubt. My friends said, "Give him a chance." And I'm all for giving people a chance, because everyone deserves a chance. Still, I have a lot of reservations. Am I ready to go through all of this again? My last relationship left me with several months of depression and a mild dependency on sleeping pills (the latter has since passed, if you were worried...the former has become merely occasional). Even better, starting in a month or so, I'll be forced to see my ex on occasion throughout the summer. *sigh* The last time I went out with a guy (in January) I burst into tears when he kissed me. Thankfully said guy was a good friend who understood. I guess it's time to move on. I sure hope I'm ready. I just...well, new relationships can be scary. I mean, do I really have that much in common with him? Do we have anything to talk about? Conversation so far has been somewhat stilted because he's kinda shy, and apparently I make him a little nervous. Honestly, beyond the sterling recommendation of my friend and a handful of conversations, I know very little about him. I don't know what the hell I'm getting myself into, and that's really frightening to a control freak like myself. If things go badly, will I fall apart again like I did last year? I can't do that again. I really can't.

Still, I want to be fair to him. I feel like I should try. Does that make any sense? I really don't want to hurt his (or anyone else's) feelings. That's me, the great peacemaker--such an expected stereotypically feminine role, but I'm sure I'll rant about that in a later entry on feminism.